How to tell when you’re addicted to your alma mater

We all may or may not be slightly obsessed with college, but there might be a problem if you are obsessed with your alma mater.

  • You still use the lanyard you got for orientation

  • You hang out on campus… for the free wifi

  • You regularly sit in the open cafe… for the Panda Express

  • You start stories with, “Well at _____”

  • You still wear your letters

  • You try to get your work friends to have basement parties

  • You retweet your Dean of Students more than twice a day

  • You’ve met with more than one professor for lunch in a week

  • Your diploma is hanging over your bed

  • You bought the mascot in pet form, and it’s a goat

  • You date men who look like the mascot

 

  • You try and incorporate the colors into your wardrobe at least once a week and especially on game day

  • Your stationary has the university crest on it and you are not an administration member

  • You eat a big meal and pretend its the dining hall challenge

  • You call places in your office the names of buildings

  • You plan which alumni weekend activities you’ll do a year in advance

  • You call the office of alumni relations daily to see if you can be a mentor

But no matter how obsessed you are when that phone call comes for a donation you still say:

  • Sorry I have $25,000 worth of student loans, call back in a year.

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WWETD: What Would Emily Thorne Do

Successful Asshole

But really...who'd mess with that glare.

But really…who’d mess with that glare.

I think it’s safe to say that as much as we envy Emily Thorne (from ABC’s Revenge) for her wardrobe, beach house, array of beautiful boyfriends both fake and real, she is kind of a psychopath.  Still, we don’t mind thinking about what we would do if we didn’t have to work and could spend our time plotting against those who wronged us.  I know it’s not Sunday but we couldn’t wait to share one of our favorite fantasies.

The classmate from hell who is now successful.  We’re not talking about the kid at the front of the class who reminded the teacher about homework—no this kid was irresponsible, unskilled, and bossy.  He/She threw teammates under the bus in front of professors, lacked the skills to put together a simple project, and didn’t even win over the favor of any professors.  Now, they work a full-time job in a major city and post every day about how much life is working for them.  Enjoy the fantasy people.

So you have to get a part-time job

So you’ve been meandering about the world for a month, sixth months… a year after graduation. You need to work because even your best friends are giving you the stink eye for being so entitled. Maybe you’ve even gotten the dreaded, “Why are you out right now if you’re so stressed?” from a friend who has her stuff together.

Price those feminine products.

Price those feminine products.

Okay, calm down. You have to get a part-time job. If this is you, you might expect to Tibby-it-up at a Super Store—an inhumane part-time position where you might as well use your diploma to wipe your ass tears because your snarky entitled customers, managers, and co-workers surely won’t.

But it may not have to be like this—a part-time job may be something you can actually learn from and reap some benefits. Recently, part-time positions have become more and more employee-friendly and the companies leading the pack are seeing results.

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