How to tell when you’re addicted to your alma mater

We all may or may not be slightly obsessed with college, but there might be a problem if you are obsessed with your alma mater.

  • You still use the lanyard you got for orientation

  • You hang out on campus… for the free wifi

  • You regularly sit in the open cafe… for the Panda Express

  • You start stories with, “Well at _____”

  • You still wear your letters

  • You try to get your work friends to have basement parties

  • You retweet your Dean of Students more than twice a day

  • You’ve met with more than one professor for lunch in a week

  • Your diploma is hanging over your bed

  • You bought the mascot in pet form, and it’s a goat

  • You date men who look like the mascot


  • You try and incorporate the colors into your wardrobe at least once a week and especially on game day

  • Your stationary has the university crest on it and you are not an administration member

  • You eat a big meal and pretend its the dining hall challenge

  • You call places in your office the names of buildings

  • You plan which alumni weekend activities you’ll do a year in advance

  • You call the office of alumni relations daily to see if you can be a mentor

But no matter how obsessed you are when that phone call comes for a donation you still say:

  • Sorry I have $25,000 worth of student loans, call back in a year.


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