There are many reasons you will lose touch with friends between 18 and 25-years-old. He or she might dive into medical school, hike through Europe or Indiana for sixth months, or maybe you will just need a bit of a break towards the very end of your constant togetherness.
It’s O.K. that some of your friendships shift into fun acquaintances, but there are some you have to put work into even if you never had to before. So? You say—things changed between high school and college you think it might be kind of the same. Well it is, but it kind of isn’t.
One of the scariest things about graduating from college is that your life doesn’t work in semesters anymore. Things don’t get divided nicely into various project due dates between vacations. You don’t have the luxury of sitting in the dinning hall for four ours eating froyo and doing homework, it gets much harder to see your best friends, even the ones who have landed in the same place as you.
Moreover you may not even want to. Sure between junior and senior summer you succeeded at getting carry-over drunk for a whole week while Susie’s parents were in Cape Cod, but when you’re going on 22-years-old, you really won’t want to feel like such a diploma-munching-sloth. You may want to grow up, move away, and busy yourself with what you’ve been studying for four years and that’s obviously awesome.
It’s all different and it’s amazing, but different.
You never had to put so much effort into seeing your friends as you do when you wake up at 6 a.m. every single morning. You may not want to sit in traffic to visit your younger friends still in college on the weekend, or pick up their phone call when you’re unwinding with Everybody Loves Raymond—but if they are anything important to you, you have to.
The only reason we can speak on this is because we, like you probably, have lost a friend that was our person and now we’ve missed the opportunity to be friends with them again in the same way. It’s awful, but preventable with a little effort and flexibility.
If you and your friend can speak on any of these topics freely you must pick up their phone call even if you don’t really want to:
- Your dismal math SAT score (I’m talking 500-)
- Family tragedy
- Taking plan b when you lost your virginity
- That you’ve never lost your virginity
- How watching baby chicks die makes you cry
- How you’re planning to keep your stuffed animals forever
- Your real 10-year-from-now fantasy
- Your psychological obstacles
- You’re failed attempt at booty-calling someone
- Your fear of being stuck under a pile of bodies
- A new direction in your education
- Your self-esteem development
- How they really shouldn’t get bangs
You will probably not lose your friend from Facebook or your cell phone contacts, but you may feel that random need for their voice or laughter and find yourself thinking it would be weird to call them after not having spoken for months. After fiddling with your phone for a while you make text plans to see each other really soon to catch up. Whether it happens or not, you will undoubtedly notice a difference in the sad way a person can feel change. Fear not though, because most likely your friend feels the same way. Trust us, all it takes is one of you with enough guts to tell the other what a weird poop she took this morning.