Flying Marriages: A fairytale or fail

It’s not just you, it seems young people liked walking down an aisle at graduation so much that they are talking about doing it again as soon as humanly possible.  If it’s a sign of their maturity you may think it’s a sign of your own immaturity.  Moreover, if it is their security for  everything from Saturday plans to a partner to buy a house, you may think that it is your assurance you’re going to be alone forever.  Still, the few that do the deed number nothing compared to all those dying to talk about it on the regular.  Are we really ready to take our relationship with marriage to the next level?

Why so young? Okay love— but why though? You know you go? or You know you wait?

We don’t have to tell you the many perspectives of against marriage before 25, especially the one that claims engaged couples don’t know how long forever really is, or the one that says 25-year-olds are still children with the potential to grow and change.  We don’t even have to mention the one that cites all the less glamorous aspects of marriage like old-age portable toilets, or just monotonous routine.  Okay we mentioned a few.

But it is a common disconnect for those ready to tie the knot and those who attend their weddings for the free champagne.  If you are going to be married forever, why rush into a wedding and not just you know, be together forever?

Maude Standish, Managing Director of Tarot,  a millennial trend research company wrote that many young couples have grown up with the idea of fleeting of  pure-love.  She says this drives them to enjoy it all before the divorce rate comes knocking at their door.  Waiting or rushing, she has found millennial lovers think it’s the same chance for divorce.

“Millennials can recite divorce rates and growing up in “broken homes,” but don’t feel that any one way of getting married assures success,” she writes for the Huffington Post.

But we bet there are also some less cynical reasons that our friends get married.  We hope even as we sit there in silk shoes and envy.  For the good of their hearts, and for love in general.

Marriage wasn’t something we did after we’d grown up—it was how we have grown up and grown together. We’ve endured the hardships of typical millennials: job searches, job losses, family deaths, family conflict, financial fears, and career concerns. The stability, companionship, and intimacy of marriage enabled us to overcome our challenges and develop as individuals and a couple. We learned how to be strong for one another, to comfort, to counsel, and to share our joys and not just our problems. — Julie Shaw for Slate 

Take this topic from our high school and college friends into the macro.  Is there a pattern that dictates people who wait and people who don’t? Education? Geography? Does it differ by socioeconomic levels?

And what about marriages ultimate bundle of joy? Some would suggest the more a woman struggles for education, stability, income, and hunger the more likely she is to have a child and with no husband? Some studies have even show that young girls from these communities crave motherhood for the chance to be adult.  Where young women from affluent backgrounds aspire to “have it all” before children.  Does this mean that “adulthood” is something different depending on how you grew up?

When it comes to the aisle lots of us talk but few of us walk

You may not believe this, but marriage for people under 25 has dropped significantly within the past few decades.  Despite how you might feel when you see yet another Instagramed wedding ring, you are not in the minority.  The Chicago Tribune recently published a story about the dropping divorce rate for millenials.

In 1996, 19 percent of 25- to 29-year-old women who had been married were divorced, but only 14 percent were in 2009 — a drop of about 30 percent, according to the study.(“Number, Timing, and Duration of Marriages and Divorces: 2009)

The reason for this, coverage reports may be the dropping number of us actually getting married.  The Pew Research Center reported that “20% of 18- to 29-year-olds were married in 2010, compared with 59% in 1960.”

That’s a whole lot of single people, but why then do so many of us want to talk about it.  Well lets take a look at some of the most popular blogs, social accounts, and love stories.  Are the women in those pictures in their 30’s? Nope, they look about 23 which happens to be how old we are! When was the last time “Say Yes to the Dress” featured a string of 34-year-olds? Now that we’ve graduated college, yes it could be us getting hitched—thanks for the reminder!

We guess that being obsessed with a loving relationship isn’t the worst thing ever—it beats being obsessed violence or hatred.  What is probably unhealthy though is feeling of being “different” or “deliquent” because we haven’t found the person, or for some of us a person in general.

But I mean, it’s cool.



One thought on “Flying Marriages: A fairytale or fail

  1. Pingback: Further Reflections on Relate | Just A Closer Walk With Thee

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